<meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(https://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head><body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/21009404?origin\x3dhttp://anachronistic-.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>




♥ Sunday, July 01, 2007
11:40 PM

i guess the disappearing act got tiring.
and blogging seems like fun all over again.

yesterday's outing was a blast.
yet everything about it seemed to suck.
i did all the wrong things. and said all the wrong words.
i got home feeling like i shouldnt have done it.
but later at night i did it again.
i confessed to you everything that was on my mind.
i told you that..


i hate it that i care about what my friends think of you.
i hate it that i enjoy myself when im with you.
i hate it that i cat get annoyed at you no matter how hard i try.
i hate it that i cant seem to ignore you.
i hate it that i always go looking for you.
i hate it that i cant stop thinking about you.
i hate it that i hate so many things about you.
i hate it that i cant tell you whats on my mind.
i hate not being brave enough to ask questions i want to know the answers to.
i hate it that i just cant seem to hate you.


but suddenly, its not that that im most afraid of.
cos i began to realise more:

i hate the things you do.
i hate not being able to understand why you still do it.
i hate myself for not giving it the benifit of the doubt.
i hate it that i know how i feel about you.
i hate it that i wont let myself think of the possibilities.
i hate it that i care about what they think.
i hate it that i care about them to not want to hurt them.
i hate it that i know the reason in the line above is not the reason why.
i hate this line: 'i told you so' cos should anything happen, i know they'd say it.
i hate it that i remind them not to let me do it.
i hate it that they think thats truely how i feel.
i hate it that i do it just to 'act tough'.
i hate it that im too afraid to let you in.
i hate it that i cant get over you.
i hate it that i have to leave you.
i hate it that i gave you so much hope.
i hate it that i had so much hope.
i hate it that i'm gona let 'us' fade away.
i hate me for letting it all slip away.
i hate being so fcuking aware of it.


the word hate has been used too many times in this entry.
i miss you already.
i wish you were here.
i wish i could see you.
i wish i was brave enough to take the risk.
i wish that you wouldnt give up.
i wish i didnt care of what anyone thought of me.
i wish tt my friends would let me make my own mistakes.
even if it means repeating it ten times before i got it right.
i wish they could see how happy i am when im with him.
i wish they knew what was on my mind.

i wish for an eternity to heaven and back.
that i could love you without giving a crap.

Labels: